


You Didn't Know?

by Head_Case_In_July_27



Series: Kevin Ryan AU's [2]
Category: Castle
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Child Neglect, Explicit Language, Flashbacks, Kidnapping, Like Fucking Explicit Language, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Past Child Abuse, References to Drugs, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:21:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5406281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Head_Case_In_July_27/pseuds/Head_Case_In_July_27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinda changed from what I had originally posted to ff.net. I own only Dr. Damon Bomello, James, and the kidnapper. </p>
<p>What if Ryan mysteriously collapses on a scene, and everyone thinks that its because he and Jenny are fighting and shes projecting her emotions towards him, making him exhausted, but its not until he collapses in the precinct again that they think it might be something else. But then his brother goes missing and then two hours later Ryan vanishes from the hospital and they start digging into both of their pasts and they find something that no one could think of that he went through as a kid that looks like it came out of one of Castles' books. Was in my head and then written as a flash write idea. Its better than the summary, I promise.</p>
<p>I don't want to give too much away in the tags or summary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I promise, it's not always going to be nameless. It was fun to do it this way though.

Yes there is a Scrubs reference. Just the hospital. No doctors. I liked the name.

 

She was worried. Her husband had started to come home late at night, and when he did, he’d try and blame it on traffic or late nights at the precinct, but she had seen the signs. They were drifting away from each other. She knew he was bisexual, he had brought it up while they were dating. But she didn’t know that he leaned more towards men. And especially not towards 6’3” doctors that looked like they came from the TV. Because, I mean, he was hot. But she also didn’t know that her husband wasn’t spending anymore time with her. She was getting worried. They fell in love once they met at the bar he owned. Or so he said. They went for a few drinks the other night. All night, he was talking, behind the bar, to that same doctor she had found at the precinct talking with her husband two days ago. She didn’t want to leave him, really. But she was worried that he was cheating on her. 

It was irrational. She knew it. He had been nothing but faithful and amazing to her since they had started dating. But it was the irrational fear that opened up the can of worms in her sister's marriage that had shown that her brother-in-law was cheating on his wife. So she tried to protect herself. 

She could either go in guns blazing and accuse him of cheating, or she could be more sane and try and figure out who the mystery man was that her husband was meeting and texting, and possibly coming home from. Because his cologne did not smell that strong. And he most certainly did not use that brand or smell of cologne. 

Her insane idea of going guns blazing and accusing her husband of cheating just might end up with the two of them in the divorce attorney’s office, or at least arguing with each other.

Xxx

She was surprised when he came home early that night, not at all expecting her husband to walk through the door at his normal time, or was his normal time before he started going somewhere after work. 

“Hey. You’re home early. No new cases, babe?” she asked. He looked up from toeing off his shoes, shaking his head.

“No. Just a paperwork day,” he explained. She nodded, not really wanting to bring up her fear. Her husband finished with taking his shoes off, and looked back at her.

“Hey. Anything happen today at work?” he asked. 

She perked up, hopeful that they were going to get through it without interference.

His phone rang, and her face fell.

He went to answer it, saying his trademark “Ryan” before listening to the voice on the other end, hanging up. 

Ryan walked over to his wife, kissing her forehead, before saying he’d be home late, possibly early in the morning.

She sighed, as he left, upset, and discouraged. Looking at the clock, she had decided it wasn’t too late to call her sister in California for advice. 

Jenny just hoped it wasn’t too late to try and save her marriage before it came crumbling down even further.

Xxx__xxX

Arriving at the crime scene, he stepped out of the cruiser and met his partner over the body. Their new medical examiner, Dr. Damon Bomello, was examining and speaking to Kate Beckett, their lead detective. His partner, Javier Esposito, was canvassing and speaking to the witnesses and uniforms. He walked over to Beckett, who looked over as she heard the footsteps get louder behind her. 

“Cause of death is, obviously, the gunshot wound to the head, executioner style, but there are small marks on the skin. The marks look to be small puncture wounds, but unless I get the body to the lab, I won’t know for sure,” the medical examiner explained to the team. 

“Any ID on the victim?” Ryan asked.

“Yes. Her wallet and purse were found near her, it looks like nothing was stolen out of it. Her name is Alex Burton.”

“Ryan, join Esposito on the canvassing, I’ll take the next of kin. And Castle out of your way,” Beckett said. Ryan nodded, making his way to his partner.

 

Xxx__xxX

Walking through the crowd of onlookers, witnesses, and uniforms, Ryan was bombarded with the heavy stench of perfume, clogging his nose and making it difficult for him to breathe. He had a feeling it wasn’t perfume, seeing as that they were not near any women. He’s seen his fair share of crazy in the job, knowing men could be wearing women's perfume. He could feel light headed, and knew it wasn’t a good thing. He leaned against a building for support, and started coughing, unable to breathe. 

Esposito, sensing his partner wasn’t following him anymore, looked back and saw a man trying to get at his partner. He heard Ryan’s cough and heard his groan of pain as if he was right next to him. Looking at him, he saw the man walk away from Ryan as he fell right to the ground. 

Once Esposito got a close enough to Ryan, he saw how pale he looked. His partner had always looked pale, but they didn’t realize how pale he could be. Damn Irish genes. 

He was in reaching distance. He could get to him. 

Just a second too late.

He saw his partner fall to the ground, pale face, and he rushed forward.

Grabbing his wrist, Esposito checked for a pulse while calling for his boss and an ambulance.

Xxx__xxX

Beckett, hearing her partners calls, rushed over to the sound. She saw her younger partner on the ground, his other half trying to see if he was alive. The crowd grew within seconds. She radioed in for the ambulance to hurry up, even though they could hear the sirens, unknowing that Ryan wasn’t able to.

Xxx__xxX

EMT’s worked on the young detective, trying to make sense of what was told of them and with little information they had on him. The lead EMT radioed into the hospital, Sacred Heart, to see who was able to treat him. 

Xxx__xxX

Ryan’s eyes briefly opened in the ambulance, not knowing what he had seen, trying to make sense of what happened to him. Not able to move his arms or legs, he started to panic, unsure of his surroundings. He vaguely heard people, and a loud piercing noise echoing through his head. He heard the beeping of a machine, and then saw black.

Xxx__xxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? This is part 1 of a lot. It will be interesting, I hope. Please let me know what you thought!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this update will hopefully be the last one of this year. Come January, I should have the next part of this story up. Fingers crossed. 
> 
> I really do like the nameless parts I tend to do. Please tell me if you guys think its cool or super annoying.
> 
> And yes, James is from my other story Please Don’t Leave Me. I really like him.
> 
> I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE SONG LYRICS IN THIS CHAPTER. I HAD IT PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND AND FELT IT WORKED GREAT. SONG LYRICS AND TITLE BELONG TO LUKE BRYAN.

Previously On You Didn’t Know? 

 

Ryan’s eyes briefly opened in the ambulance, not knowing what he had seen, trying to make sense of what happened to him. Not able to move his arms or legs, he started to panic, unsure of his surroundings. He vaguely heard people, and a loud piercing noise echoing through his head. He heard the beeping of a machine, and then saw black.

Xxx__xxX

Waiting took forever. He thought he was done with waiting ever since Beckett was shot. He thought he was done waiting when his sister went into labor three weeks ago. He thought he was done. 

Waiting for his friends wife to arrive took a long time. First was waiting for her to pick up the phone, then waiting for her to arrive at the emergency room. 

He waited for the tall doctor to leave his partners room.

Xxx__xxX

Radio on, tears streaming down her face, she made her way through New York traffic, as the radio seemed to play a song that made her cry harder. She hopped that it wasn’t her fault that he was in the emergency room.

 

“Baby what are we becoming  
It seems like we’re always running  
Rolling through the motions everyday  
I could lean in to hold you, or act like I don’t even know you  
Seems like you could care less either way”

Oh god why did she do this? She’s been thinking he was cheating, and she was thinking of blaming him for her thoughts? She knew it was probably in her head, but talking with her sister didn’t help. Her sister had agreed that she was right, to blame him for cheating. 

“What happened to that girl I used to know?  
I just want us back to the way we were before  
Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby?  
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?  
Do I have your love? Am I still enough?  
Tell me, don’t I? Or tell me, do I, baby  
Give you everything that you ever wanted?  
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?  
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life?  
Baby, do I?”

Would his partner know who her husbands mysterious lunch dates were? They told each other everything, right? Yeah. 

“Remember when we didn’t have nothing  
But a perfect simple kind of loving?  
Baby, those sure were the days  
There was a time when our love ran wild and free  
But now I’m second guessing everything I see!”

Once she got to the hospital, she’d ask Esposito. He should know. 

Jenny loathed traffic lights. And pedestrians. Along with the city. But she stayed for her husband. She knows he grew up in the city, the city has been his life. But she’s not so sure if it’s true. 

If he’s hiding this, what else could he be hiding?

“Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby?  
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?  
Do I have your love? Am I still enough?  
Tell me, don’t I? Or tell me, do I, baby  
Give you everything that you ever wanted?  
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?  
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life?  
Baby, do I?  
Baby, do I still give you what you need?  
Still take your breath away?  
Light up the spark way down deep?  
Baby, do I?”

Jenny needed to know if he was OK. Bypassing the traffic lights, the drive to the hospital seemed to take a lot longer than usual. It seemed much faster when she was driving to see Esposito’s nephew, didn’t it?

“Do I turn you on at all when I kiss you baby?  
Does the sight of me wanting you drive you crazy?  
Do I have your love? Am I still enough?  
Tell me, don’t I? Or tell me, do I, baby

Give you everything that you ever wanted?  
Would you rather just turn away and leave me lonely?  
Do I just need to give up and get on with my life?  
Tell me baby, do I get one more try? Do I?  
Baby, do I?”

Finally arriving at the hospital, she made her way to the waiting room, where her husband’s partner and boss were sitting, waiting for either news or her presence. 

Xxx__xxX

The hours passed quickly in the emergency room, as the team waited for the news regarding their friend. 

The team looked up when they heard footsteps come closer and louder, and Jenny recognized the doctor who walked up to them. It was her husband’s mystery lunch date. 

The doctor, not wanting to introduce himself, got right to the point, which striking as odd. Could he know that Jenny knew he was Ryan’s lunch date, and didn’t want to make a scene at his workplace or in front of Ryan’s coworkers? 

Looking at the clipboard in his hands, the doctor said, “He’s awake and ready for visitors. I’ll bring you to his room.”

Beckett stood up, walking towards the doctor and asking, “What happened? He collapsed at the crime scene--,” 

The doctor interrupted the senior detective, saying, “--Due to exhaustion. He has had very little sleep and rest. He’ll be here for a few hours to rest and sleep the drugs out of his system.” 

Stopping in front of the door to Ryan’s room, he explained that the drugs were to keep him resting, and let them in.

Xxx__xxX

Visitors kept Ryan awake for a couple of hours, until the doctor pushed them all out once he started to fall asleep. 

“Just so you know, your wife recogniz--”

“Yeah. I know she knows. But she doesn’t know that I know. You have to promise me, James. She can never find out.”

“Kevin--”

“Please. Its why I haven’t told her. And why I will never tell her. She can’t know.” Ryan looked at James, exhaustion written on his face. “Promise me, please.”

James sighed. He didn’t want to keep something like this from Ryan’s wife, but he understood why. 

“Fine. But if this goes south…”

“No one will find out.” James walked out, and Ryan was by himself. 

 

“At least I hope,” was the last thing he said before falling asleep.

Xxx__xxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you like it! If I find the time, I will try to write over Christmas Break, seeing as that I have 11 days off from that hellhole. But if I am swamped, then its going to be after Christmas Break. Hopefully 1st or 2nd week of January.
> 
> I hope everyone has a happy holidays!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So either I had a few free moments, or I sat down and wrote until I couldn’t write anymore, which made this chapter. I present, Chapter 3 to you guys!!!
> 
> I really hope you guys enjoy this story. It’s my background on Ryan, why he became a cop, and what happened during his childhood. It the better version of my old story, Change In Life, which was posted on ff.net a while back. I enjoyed writing this, but if you guys don’t like it, or the way I interpret things, please let me know. Honestly. Or if you guys skip over the notes in the beginning, then it doesn’t apply to you. But if you guys read the notes, then let me know. Slight language in this chapter, but it’s worth it.
> 
> FYI THINGS INSIDE “//” MEANS ITALICS. THEY DON’T SHOW UP ON AO3, SO THIS IS MY FIX.

Previously on “You Didn’t Know?”

Xxx__xxX  
/Visitors kept Ryan awake for a couple of hours, until the doctor pushed them all out once he started to fall asleep.  
“Just so you know, your wife recogniz--”  
“Yeah. I know she knows. But she doesn’t know that I know. You have to promise me, James. She can never find out.”  
“Kevin--”  
“Please. Its why I haven’t told her. And why I will never tell her. She can’t know.” Ryan looked at James, exhaustion written on his face. “Promise me, please.”  
James sighed. He didn’t want to keep something like this from Ryan’s wife, but he understood why.  
“Fine. But if this goes south…”  
“No one will find out.” James walked out, and Ryan was by himself.

“At least I hope,” was the last thing he said before falling asleep./

Xxx__xxX

Hours passed, and waiting still took forever. Waiting for Ryan to wake up, waiting for him to give his statement to Beckett on what the hell went down on the crime scene.

If waiting for Ryan to wake up was unbearable, then waiting for him to give his statement was worse. 

His doctor never left Ryan’s room, which kept striking both Jenny and Esposito as odd. He has other patients, why not see them?

The two were talking in hushed tones, worrying Jenny. She wasn’t a good lip reader, but she had a feeling that when people talked in hushed tones meant something that others weren’t to know. She had to know. She didn’t want to think that her husband was cheating on her, but she didn’t know anymore. She heard her husband’s partner walk up behind her.

“Do you know who he is?” She asked, quietly, as if she wouldn’t be pleased with the answer. Jenny looked up at Esposito, hoping that he’d give her the answer she was hoping for.

“No. I’ve never seen him, and I’ve been to most of his reunions with his family. He’s never been there. Why?” 

Xxx__xxX

“Look. I get it. But you can’t keep this from her.”

“Do you have any other ideas? I /have/ to protect her. This--”

“Is insane, good. You agree with me. Kevin, this is your /wife/ we are talking about. They know and find out /everything/. She already suspects you’re cheating on her. What do you tell her when you’re at lunch with me?” Ryan doesn’t answer, and James realizes. 

“You don’t tell her. Jesus, Kevin.”

“The less she knows the better! The less she knows they can’t hurt her!”

“So you lie to your wife--”

“It’s not lying if I don’t say anything--”

“Fine. You're hiding things from your wife--”

“Because if she knows or finds out he could get to her! He could find her! I’ve worked so hard to protect myself from him and now that he’s back Jenny’s at a risk! I can’t have that. You know that.” Ryan looked up at James and sighed. “There’s a reason why she doesn’t know. This is the reason. He’s gonna come back and make it like we never left.”

James looked defeated. “What if you sent her away on a vacation? She gets along with--”

“No one. No one likes Jenny. And I don’t know why. Remember the last time we tried to leave? We practically lived in the emergency room for two weeks. I don’t want that to happen to Jenny.”

“Your vacation house?”

“Sure. That sounds like a great idea. Hey Jenny, how about we go on a vacation, and the guy who you think I’m having an affair with will be joining. That’ll end well, James.”

“Sarcastic little shit, much?”

“Get it from you.”

“Notify the feds, Kev. It’s their jobs to do this.”

“They didn’t believe us before, James. What makes you think they’ll believe us now? They didn’t think he was a threat before! They’ll just say he’s not a threat again!”

“Woah. What do you mean they said he wasn’t a threat? Tell me you’re joking.” Ryan shook his head. “The fuck you mean he wasn’t a threat? Did they not realize how much of a fucking threat he was?”

“They never told you? They told me. You must have been asleep, but the feds came in, when we were younger, and said that they couldn’t pursue him because they didn’t believe he was a threat to anyone.”

James stood up, pissed and upset. “That explains why he’s still here. Why he won’t leave us alone.” Ryan nodded.

A soft knock broke the two away from each other, and they looked at one another. James did a *go ahead* motion with his hands. Ryan stuttered out a “come in” and the door opened. Ryan’s doctor quickly grabbed his file, and glanced down at the blood test results. 

“Blood pressure is fine, blood tests came back normal. No reason why he shouldn’t return to work within a day.”

“Do you know what caused him to collapse? Medically?” Beckett asked.

James shook his head. “As I said before, he collapsed due to exhaustion. The sedative he was injected with on the scene was to knock him out. It was not a poison, or a cocktail drug.”

“So it could have been a doctor who drugged him?” Ryan’s doctor nodded. 

He glanced out the open door, and saw a masked man walk by, looking into his room. Ryan’s doctor tossed the file onto Ryan’s bed and tripped on the feet of the bed, almost falling over. Ryan’s sarcastic “graceful” was heard briefly, and James looked at him. Ryan just shrugged. 

Xxx__xxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will pick up where Beckett gets Ryan’s statement. I really hope you guys like this story.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
>  
> 
> So my updates are much better than when I was writing on ff.net.
> 
> I own Tim Grizbrown. He is an OC, but he does play a big part in the story. At least I hope so.
> 
> I will be working on Please Don’t Leave Me, I just need time and more inspiration for it. Once I have the writing magic on, then the last chapter will be out soon.

Xxx__xxX

Beckett sat down next to Ryan, watching him sit up, waiting for him to make himself comfortable. She cocked her head towards him, glancing at her younger partner. He looked towards Beckett, as if just realizing she was watching him. Looking towards the door his doctor just exited through, Ryan saw a man clad in black speaking to the nurses. Unable to see his face, Ryan didn’t know who exactly the man was. He didn’t hear Beckett’s question while he was trying to see the mysterious man’s face. 

“Ryan?” Beckett asked. He tore his eyes away from the open door to look at his boss. 

“What did you say?”

Instead of repeating her question, she asked, “You OK? You seem...out of it. Everything alright?” 

He hesitated, not wanting to answer her question, knowing that she was wondering. He blinked a few times, trying to understand what he was seeing. He looked back at the door and glanced over at the nurse’s station, but didn’t see the man clad in black. He started to wonder if he was hallucinating the guy, but then saw him walk by his room. Looking towards the direction the man was walking, he again didn’t hear his boss ask her question. 

“What? Did you say something?”

Beckett looked at Ryan, worried that something was wrong. He always paid attention. 

She’d have to talk to his doctor, see if it had something to do with the sedative he was given, or the medication that was given to him.

Xxx__xxX

Walking into the waiting room, the man dressed in black walked away from the nurse’s desk, papers in hand. 

If only they could know the damage he could have prevented, how he tried his hardest to protect them, the damage he succeeded in preventing.

His phone rang. He picked it up, answering, “Agent Grizbrown.”

“Sir I think I know how to fix it.”

“I’ve worked with you for years, and you still don’t trust me? Relax and I’ll make sure they don’t find out.” He hung up.

“Or find out more than they already know.”

He looked around the waiting room, and walked out of the hospital.

Xxx__xxX  
Walking away, James tried to search for the man clad in black lurking around the hospital. Losing sight of the man lurking around Ryan’s room, he was stopped by Beckett, evidently trying to find James.

“Doctor, can you tell me what medications you’ve given Detective Ryan?” She asked.

James looked at her. “I’m sorry. Why?”

Beckett sighed, saying, “He’s been acting odd. Not paying attention, very distracted. I just wanted to know if that was...normal given the circumstances.”

“You mean normal considering as he was drugged on a crime scene.” 

“Yes.”

They both started walking toward Ryan’s room, James saying, “He’s been given a mild sedative, which means the EMT’s knocked him out for a few minutes to transport him to the hospital. Now they did say he woke up, meaning he fought the drug that would have kept him asleep for a while. That being said, given the toxicology report and blood tests that came back, there should be no reason why he would be so distracted.”

“Do you think it could be any medical reason?”

“It could be he’s exhausted, and his brain is making him see things that are not there. I take it he didn’t give a statement?”

“No. He was too preoccupied with something,” Beckett explained. “He kept looking out the door for some reason.”

Xxx__xxX

Walking out to his car, the agent pulled his keys out, and noticed that something was seeming to be odd about his car. Taking a few steps back, he slid his keys back on his pocket. 

Leaving the parking garage, the agent started to walk back to the hospital, resolved to figure it out later. 

Safely back in the building hallway, the agent pulled his phone out and started looking at surveillance photos sent to him from a second agent. 

Arriving at the nurses’ station, the agent moved to allow the doctors to walk by him. He left the hospital, pulling his phone out, making a call. 

“Sir, you and I both know that they won't accept that.”

“No they don't seem to remember much. Which is a good thing.”

“What do you want me to do? He’s closing in on them. It's only a matter of time before he catches up and finds out what they've been doing all these years.”

“No, they don't know what I've been doing. And it will stay that way. I'm not going to be blowing years of hard work to stop protecting them. “

“Sir I'm the reason why he hasn't been able to find them. and it will stay that way. Otherwise…”

Xxx__xxX

Phone on the ground, smashed to pieces, blood dripping down from the corpse and wall, body mutilated from hours of torture and gunshot wounds through the chest. Removing his gloves, the man stepped back and admired the message on the wall. 

“Should have told me where they are, Mike. I've missed them both. It's been so long since we last spoke.” He took a picture of the blood written message, and left the warehouse, sirens in the distance, getting louder and louder. 

“I warned them to not leave. This is what they get for not listening. This is what happens when they avoid me for so long.”

Xxx__xxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait for this chapter. My robotic team started up again, homework is loading up on me, and my youngest brother broke his arm on Friday. it might be a while for the next chapter to be up though.


	5. Chapter 5

/Previously on You Didn’t Know?

Xxx__xxX

Phone on the ground, smashed to pieces, blood dripping down from the corpse and wall, body mutilated from hours of torture and gunshot wounds through the chest. Removing his gloves, the man stepped back and admired the message on the wall. 

“Should have told me where they are, Mike. I've missed them both. It's been so long since we last spoke.” He took a picture of the blood written message, and left the warehouse, sirens in the distance, getting louder and louder. 

“I warned them to not leave. This is what they get for not listening. This is what happens when they avoid me for so long.”/

Xxx__xxX

Sirens blaring, medical personal and uniforms alike making their way on the scene. Beckett, called away from Ryan’s side in the hospital, walked throughout the scene, trying to get an idea what happened. 

“Do we have an ID on our victim?” Beckett asked. She sighed when a uniform showed the glint of a badge. Hearing footsteps, she looked up and saw a man dressed in black walk over to her crime scene. 

“Detective? Agent Tim Grizbrown, CIA.” the man said as he walked over to her. Castle looked over at the end of his statement with a surprised look on his face. Clearly frustrated, Beckett made her way over to the CIA agent. 

“Detective Beckett, NYPD. What does the CIA want with my case?” she asked. 

“Your dead body is one of my agents. And I know who the next victim is,” Agent Grizbrown stated.

“Wait you said you know who the next victim is? How?” Both Beckett and Castle said at the same time. 

“He is one of my agents on a case here. It’s all I can say in the open.”

“Then who is he? We need to notify the next of kin-” Beckett started but was cut off.

 

“I’ll handle it,” the agent stated, then moved to the medical examiner. “Doctor, how did he die?”

Castle turned to Beckett. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Was I just kicked off my investigation by a CIA agent?” she asked Castle.

Xxx_xxX

Back at the hospital, Ryan kept looking at the door, expecting the same man to walk by again. The only person to walk by, though, were doctors, and it wasn’t like Ryan could ask them if they saw the man he was sure that his brain was playing tricks on him. No one else saw that man, just like no one else could see the things only he could. He stopped thinking that he had imagined seeing him, when the man walked in. The mystery man didn’t say anything, he only closed the door behind him, his back still to Ryan. Ryan, not knowing what to say, stayed quiet as he thought he recognized the man in his room. He kept his hand under the blanket, wrapped around the handle of his gun in case he needed to defend himself. The man chuckled, and walked over to Ryan. 

“Should have known that you wouldn’t recognize me. Then again, you did tell me to never contact you again. Remember, Kevin?” The man said.

Ryan just looked at him, confused. He really didn’t remember who he was. Nothing about him was familiar, he didn’t look like anyone he knew. Nothing about him looked like anyone he knew, his eyes weren’t anything he was accustomed to. Ryan hoped that if he stayed quiet, the man would leave, but it didn’t happen. The man laughed again, but that didn’t jog Ryan’s memory of whoever he was. 

Xxx__xxX

“You really don’t remember? That’s odd, you were always so proud of your memory, you said that was the most thing you were proud of. That, and your relationship with James.” the man said, helpfully. Seeing as he wasn’t getting any sort of response from Ryan, the man decided to finally introduce himself. Bringing out his badge, he said, “Agent Tim Grizbrown. CIA. Ring any bells?” 

No looks of recognition from Ryan. Either he has a really good poker face, or he honestly didn’t remember who he was. Or he was just messing with him. Who knows. 

Agent Grizbrown brought out the file he had in his bag and opened it. He tried to ask questions he knew the answer to, trying to get Ryan to talk, trying to jog his memory of him. But with every question, he got the same silent answer. Until,

“You’re still pissed off that you were told he wasn’t enough of a threat to pursue. You’re still pissed that you were told there wasn’t enough evidence to arrest and to keep him in custody. You know who I am, and yet you’ve stayed quiet. See that’s not you, Kevin. You’re--”

“You seem to know a lot about me, but you don’t know nearly enough as you might think.” Ryan interrupted. “Of course I’m going to be pissed. You told me that he wasn’t enough of a threat to arrest, even though I knew how much of a threat he was. You could have told me any other reason, hell you could’ve fucking told me that he wasn’t ‘scary’ enough, but you told me he wasn’t ‘a danger to anyone else’, and that ‘I was imagining it all’. Well fuck you.” he finished.

Not knowing what to say next, the CIA agent pulled out a folder and handed it to Ryan.

“Now that you recognize who I am, remember him?” he asked, pulling out a picture of the deceased man from the crime scene.

Xxx__xxXs

Silent for a moment, Ryan took the photo from Agent Grizbrown and looked at it. There was a lot he could identify. The corpse, the badge, the crime scene itself, the cause of death, the message on the wall, /everything/. He looked up and put the picture down, not wanting to say anything. 

“I just have one question for you,” Agent Grizbrown started. “When was the last time you spoke to him?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sort of really happy with the way this chapter turned out at the end. I rushed it, and the next chapter may end up taking as long as this one did to come out. I just started working at night, which eats into my writing time, and I have started college so that is going to take up even more of my limited time.
> 
> On an unrelated note, I have started to write a sequel, and I know how much I’m going to reveal in this story and what I’m going to be revealing in the sequel. So that is something else I have to work on. 
> 
> Until the next chapter comes out!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a change in point of view. 
> 
> I’m writing this and watching American Ninja Warrior, having no regrets.
> 
> To those who are sticking with me and this story with my irregular updates, THANK YOU!!

Xxx__xxX

He didn’t know why he suddenly had a thought about deja vu. Or why he kept his job at the same hospital. All he cared about was keeping his house.

Which wasn’t going to be a problem for a very long time. Thanks, inheritance.

He hated money he didn’t earn. He loved working, he hated the idea of mooching off of some inheritance he got once he turned eighteen from a person he hasn’t seen since he was five. So he worked. Left the money to grow in his bank and worked.

So many sick and personal days he hadn’t used, because his house is so empty alone. His coworkers and boss taking bets on if he’ll use any time before that month is up, his coworkers begging him to take more than his longer lunch breaks, telling him that he’s slowly killing himself with all this work.

Joke’s on them, he loves his job. He’s been doing it since he was a kid, for as long as he could remember. He just doesn’t love the location.

He knows why his brothers wife thinks he’s cheating. Unfortunately, she’s not the first to think that and she won’t be the last. He never understood why, but that has been his streak.

He wonders if he’s ever going to find someone. Probably not, who would want to be with someone who has so much baggage and emotional instability? Oh well. It’s not like his house is so big. It’s just so empty. Maybe he should get a dog, or a cat, or even a fucking fish.

Maybe a fish. His brother really likes animals, maybe he could talk to him about it.

But seeing him laying in the emergency room, in the bed way too big for him, started to bring memories back he hated to remember. Once he was alone with his thoughts, they started to return and get worse the longer he could think. Its why he spends every moment at work. Always busy, not thinking. Keeps the stupid memories away longer.

Xxx__xxX

James still doesn’t know why he still does it.

Why he goes to work with the millions of memories still there, why he still can’t leave New York.

Actually, he does know why he still hasn’t left New York. His brother hasn’t left. They are a package deal, and he can’t do it alone. They tried, and it nearly killed him.

Or, _he_ nearly killed him.

Granted, leaving would take a huge weight off his shoulders, but he’d still be sneaking his way through the New York streets, looking for another victim. He can’t do that to anyone else. So he stays.

He’s unhappy about it, but he still stays.

He starts looking for a new bar to drink at that night. He can’t go to the one he usually goes to, the drinks got worse, his brother had an allergic reaction to one ingredient, and he just won’t return.

He found one on East 30th, and ordered something strong.

Xxx__xxX

He knew it was a joke. He saw the signs, had a backup plan in case something went wrong, but was still fucked over. Why had he been so stupid? His supposed “date” was hot, but also three hours late. And not one text or message to explain why.

How could he be so damn stupid?

Making his way down the ever-so crowded streets of New York, he wondered why he had moved there in the first place. All he had known was rejections after rejections. Maybe a new start would be good for him. His clients all acted like rich snobs because of where they went to school. He wasn’t a private worker, all he knew was he hated where he worked. Perhaps if he found work somewhere else, he’d have better luck on the dating spectrum. There was a high demand for his job, and he might make far more money. At least, that's what his asshole father said.

He still hated New York. Everything kept going wrong there. His job, his clients, his dating life.

He figured he’d be single forever. Maybe by his mid-30s, he would have left New York, meet a nice person, maybe a girl. His father would like that.

Turning the corner, he made his way down the street to his favorite bar. Holding the door open for a few people, he looked through the window, deciding it wasn’t too busy, and sat at the bar. Pretending to read the chalk menu above the bartender’s head, he ordered his usual.

There was a guy sitting next to him, and he heard him order the strongest thing on the menu. Glancing at the brave soul, he watched as he downed the drink and motioned for another.

He was not checking him out, but he did admire how he didn’t change after the two strong drinks. The guy noticed him watching him, and stared back.

“How do you do that?” he asked.

“Do what?” the guy motioned to his drink. “Drink a drink?”

Looking at the guy with his “stop speaking” look, the guy snorted and looked away.

“I’ll tell you if you can teach me that look,” he challenged.

“Can’t teach you.” He answered.

“Oh? And why’s that?” the guy responded, he really needed to stop staring at his arms.

“Can’t teach it to someone I don’t even know. Even when I don’t have your name.” smooth, he thought. His drinking buddy laughed, and a light shown through his sweatshirt pocket.

“Oh that was smooth. I’ll give that one to you.” He held his hand out toward him. “James. My name is James.”

Reaching over, he shook James’ hand, saying, “Reese.”

Xxx__xxX

He hadn’t had that much to drink in ages. He forgot how much fun it was to just let loose and drink.

“So, ah, you never told me what you did.” James mentions. “What’s your job?”

“It’s not as glamorous as you think. I’m a teacher. I teach in New York. The kids are shit and so are a majority of the teachers. What do you do?” Reese answers.

“That’s got to be stressful. Kids can be shits, or so I’ve heard. Especially in New York. Only because it's so expensive here, and they are usually on their parents’ money.” James responded, evading Reese’s question. Due to the alcohol, Reese doesn’t realize that James avoided his question. Shrugging it off, he kept staring at James.

“So what animal would you like to get? I’m thinking either a cat or a fish, but the fish might be easier to take care of since I work a lot.” James asked.

Reese thought for a second, and then said, “I’d kinda like to get a dog. You know, ‘man’s best friend’ and all that.”

James nodded, thinking to himself. Not to sure what to say, they both fell into comfortable silence.

Reese wanted to know more about James, but the questions died on his tongue.

James’ pocket lit up again, and he looked disappointed to see who it was.

“I’m really sorry, I have go.” James got up, and Reese hid the disappointment on his face.

“I, uh, if it's not too out there, can I get your number? I’d really like to see you again.” Reese looked up. “Well so I can see if you’re going to be in the same area as me. And to plan for the next date. I mean only if you want to. You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” James quickly said. Reese smiled and wrote his number down on one of the clean napkins he grabbed. Handing it to James, Reese saw him smile before pocketing the number.

“I’ll call you?” James asked, hopefully.

Reese's smile got even bigger. “I’d be insulted if you didn’t. I mean, you have my number and I don’t have yours. It's only fair.”

James chuckled, tossing money on the table to cover his tab.

“Maybe on the next date, I’ll teach you how to down such strong drinks.” James said, walking past.

 

Xxx__xxX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me how I am doing, I really crave that type of shit.
> 
> First update as a college student! Man, it just doesn’t feel different. Well then.
> 
> Next update will be a long time. Sorry about that, but school and work are now getting to the better of me. I’m trying to work on this as much as possible, but depression is a fucking bitch and it’s starting to become a losing battle. I’ll work on writing ahead of time to avoid this more, but I’m not really counting on it. Too bad.
> 
> Lol I wrote that in early October. Lol I’m now in my second semester of college, and work is still a bitch and is taking all of the little time I have left, which just happens to be one day off. Nice.
> 
> This is gonna be updated on an ANW day! Go me!
> 
> (Seriously, the show is badass and I highly recommend watching it)
> 
> I actually got this up on an ANW day!! Whoop Whoop!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this is not an actual chapter, but it is an update as to why i havent updated in a while
> 
> im so sorry

1/5/18

Hey guys. So if anyone is still reading this, and I really hope people still are, I needed to update you on some big, new developments on the status of my stories.

 

So, two days after Christmas, I totaled my car, and I also broke my left arm. Fun, right? I wish. So I am in a cast over my elbow and I have found that the older you get with a cast, the less work you can do. Even more fun.

 

I will be taking a long break, updating on my instagram page (@my_fic_updates) [very original].

 

I’m going to try to do some writing, but I am very busy with moving (been packing and looking since November), work (gotta pay for my new car somehow), and I decided to take a semester off from college. Obviously my parents are so pleased with that decision.

 

I know that some were expecting an update in the story, and I am so sorry that this is not the chapter upload that I had hoped it would be.

 

I've had this idea for almost 2 years, I am not abandoning this work. I just really need something to kick my ass into gear.


End file.
